I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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