Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
