Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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