oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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