I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
