let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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