I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
