she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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