Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just found a bag of teeth...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
