He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
