I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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