"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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