The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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