at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
