this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
