I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
