i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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