im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
