The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
