We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
