Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
