Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
