you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
