That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
