I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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