i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
