god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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