I didn't shave. On purpose
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
