You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
