I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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