exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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