girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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