No awkward lesbian experiences without me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
