Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
