Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
