I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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