Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
