i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
