is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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