people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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