turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
