Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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