I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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