how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
