the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
