would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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