You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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