Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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