it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
