Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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