Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
