Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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