WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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