Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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