just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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