Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
