You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
